A Writer’s 7 Steps to Positivity:
Step One

       In January, Nancy Gideon volunteered me to speak on positivity at the MMRWA May meeting. I wrote back and said yes, and promptly clicked send on my email. After my message was speeding into the far reaches of cyberspace, confirming that I would be there, hopefully to say something meaningful and inspiring, I wondered what had I gotten myself into. Just what exactly was I going to say? I started to think about positivity. How could it help writers who dutifully sat at their computers each day, maintain their energy and creativity and get what they want out of their writing craft?

       First, I considered the opposite of positivity: NEGATIVITY. When it‘s present we can feel it in the air, thick, dark, and oppressive. Our bodies feel weighted down; our thoughts become angst-ridden and desperate. Negativity is fear, blame, dissatisfaction and jealousy. It‘s the belief that the Universe is against us and we‘ve been singled out to carry life‘s hardest burdens. Negativity puts us in a place where we don‘t function well creatively, and don‘t attract the people and circumstances we need to support our writing desires and dreams.

       In my search for answers, I also realized that positivity isn‘t the opposite of negativity. Assuming the role of Perpetual Miss Sunshine, gritting her teeth, forcing a smile, and frenetically spitting out optimistic messages isn‘t being positive either.

       Positivity is discovering your quiet center and inner strengths. It‘s having an awareness of who you are and what you want, and taking definitive steps towards getting it. But, at the same time, it‘s also accepting uncertainty, and surrendering to the flow of life. Anais Nin, the French writer, said, .And the day came when the risk to remain in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.. When we give up the reigns of safety and control, positivity becomes possibilities and creative freedom. And positivity is simply more fun.

    Step 1 to positivity is: Get rid of negative thoughts and beliefs that are holding you back and learn complete self-acceptance.

       As writers, we understand that our hero and heroine‘s thoughts and beliefs create their point of view. Negative thoughts and beliefs are the scars of our characters‘ past experience, or their back story. In the romance genre, negative past experiences often prevent our characters from finding love (love is also self-love or self acceptance). When the book ends, our characters are transformed, their conflicts resolved, and they find the love they deserve.

       It‘s so easy to see our characters‘ struggles on the page, but in our personal lives, sometimes, we writers can‘t see our own struggles, or that certain negative thoughts are standing the way of our happiness.

       If we look at our past, we‘ve each had toxic experiences where we‘ve been humiliated or badly hurt and, from these painful experiences, we derive a certain message about ourselves. We all know what these messages sound like: .I‘m lazy; I‘m not good enough; I‘m not smart enough; I‘m not lovable; I‘m bad.. Oftentimes we can‘t move beyond these .false. messages and grow as an individual. Some of us end up recreating these negative dramas over and over in our lives.

       There are two aspects to self-acceptance. Sometimes we take on too much (like in the example above). Other times, we are not accountable at all for our actions and behaviors. We want to see ourselves as perfect, so we claim only our positive traits and then assign our negative traits to others (like the family pet, our spouse, friends and coworkers, but most of all, to our enemies). We all know what this sounds like: .He won‘t listen; she‘s a power tripper; he‘s only out for himself; they‘ve got it all wrong..

       COMPLETE SELF-ACCEPTANCE is assimilating the shadow side of our personality, or unflattering traits that include our weaknesses, shortcomings and primal instincts. As we assimilate these negative traits and accept them, we become less judgmental of others. By recognizing our human reality, we suddenly become aware that our behavior and actions are OUR CHOICE. We can unshackle ourselves from the notion that we continually have to be right, and always have the right answers, and instead, work to develop our compassion and respect for others and find understanding in times of conflict and suffering.

       Complete Self Acceptance sounds like this: Yes, I can be lazy at times and that‘s okay. I didn‘t get the job I wanted or the job that makes use of my full potential, but I do have a job and I‘m going to do my best. I‘ve had failed relationships, but I‘m not a failure at relationships. His/her leaving me had to do with them not being able to give love at that particular time. I am loveable. I have always been loveable. In the past, I‘ve hurt some people and made some bad decisions, but I‘ve learned from my experiences. I‘ve been down some bumpy roads, been scraped up a bit, but I can be myself, speak my truth and share my story. My heart is open and I‘m ready to connect with others and hear their story, too. I see all the positive and negative traits about myself AND, I love myself unconditionally..

    On to Step Two!   

    Step 1      Step 2       Step 3   

Copyright © 2010, Constance Smith, and reprinted with permission from the June 2010 issue of the Mid-Michigan Mirror All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce without written permission of author.